So now we begin.. When I turned 30, people told me that this is the time you really come into your own, the age in which you become “sussed” and finally know what you want. They lied. It was only when I turned 40 that I learnt to be okay with myself and I realised that whilst I needed to respect others, I was okay just being me. It took some getting used you!
We spend most of the first 30 years of our life trying to “find ourselves” and when I look back now, I realise how wrong that saying also is.. we need to be spending the first 30 years of our lives inventing ourselves, working on our character, teaching ourselves to be disciplined and to have fun with that. We should be teaching our daughters that there’s nature, and then there’s nurture, there’s growing and there’s changing who you are. Take it from someone who re-invented herself. The cold, aloof, go-getting dynamo I thought I was and thought I wanted, actually isn’t who I’ve turned out to be. The real me (now) is someone who a dear friend recently reflected back to me as a source of quiet, powerful peace. And I like that! Now if you are a dynamo of a woman there is nothing wrong with that of course, because the whole point of turning 40 is that you actually start to fill your soul and come into your own in terms of setting personal boundaries, but you’re always growing.
I look at far younger woman who are out there trying to prove they are better than anyone else, so power-hungry and ball-breaking (excuse the term) that they will not stand to walk away from a fight even when the winning lies in the walking and I think to myself “what’s the point.” After all, if you know that you are good enough, should that not, in itself, BE enough? Should it not fuel your ambition in and of itself and drive you to do better and do more and set your own boundaries with kindness to yourself and others? Is it necessary to scream and shout and break the walls of your relationships with the pushing and the pushing until there is nothing left just to fill an ego? Filling out your soul is like filling out your shoes; except when your feet are grown that’s that – but the soul grows on. So when we acknowledge that our soul is in a constant position of growth – well, there’s a humility that comes from that, along with the assertiveness of being okay with our own decisions.
So 30 became 40 and whilst I now have a better idea of my own personal boundaries, I also realise that my soul has none; even whilst my body may be headed to the shrink stage a few years from now (old is always 10 years away!) I know and hope that my soul will be ever growing, ever reaching upwards, inwards, and forwards..
Just a thought..