If there’s anything you get from this blog today, I hope it’s the fact that you remember and understand what the title means.
People like to say that opposites attract, but they don’t. Seriously, who came up with this “opposites attract” business?! Negative may attract positive in magnets, but people are more than a piece of stone – hate repels love in people, light cannot abide within darkness. Opposites are always at war until one wins, usually because the other is destroyed. Ask anyone who has been abused, even if its through neglect, and they will tell you that you can’t give neglect and expect attention, you can’t give hate and expect love, you can’t give abuse and expect respect. People use “opposites attract” to justify being with someone who is abusive, undeserving or generally not good for them. It’s a lie they tell themselves. Opposites do not attract. They hurt one another, they fight, they seek to outdo or overturn one another, they kill one another, but they most certainly do not attract on another!
Does hate attract love?
Does violence attract kindness?
Does rudeness attract sweetness?
Does insolence attract joy?
Do drugs attract sobriety?
Not in the least!! In each of the above it is GOOD that is the attractive force only because by its nature good is attractive to everyone, good and bad, for different reasons. A good women will attract a good man, but she will also attract those who wish to use her for their own well being. Love attracts everything because in its nature it is pleasing. But if the opposite is not true, then it cannot be said that opposites attract. Love needs to kick out hate, kindness needs to shove oppression to the curb, and joy needs to bury depression so deep that it succumbs to its own darkness. THAT is how the fit survive!
So what’s the truth?
The truth is COMPLEMENTS attract. Women (and sometimes men) set out to find their “other half”, the one who’s mind intrigues them because it is similar enough to find resonance and different enough to challenge to growth. Love seeks out love, goodness seeks out goodness, they cannot live together in harmony with something which doesn’t resonate to some extent with them.
It’s the same with people. This business of “opposites attract” is getting our youth and our women in hot water. Good girls who like “dangerous men” will not stick around very long if there’s no change, right? Because continuous danger won’t resonate with goodness long enough to be sustainable.
In relationships, therefore, we women need to shift our minds. We need to find RESONANCE that comes from COMPLEMENTARY values and attitudes. Words are all very well and good but without actions, they are dead.
Tell your daughters, good always attract everything, so it must be selective. Tell the married women; kindness and love must be reciprocated or they will end up emptying themselves out into a bottomless pit that will leave them like a walking revenant, a ghost of who they used to be.
No-one can survive when they run on empty. (Not for long.) No matter how much a woman loves a man, when love is taken for granted, and it doesn’t find complementary attitudes and behaviour (not just words) it becomes a ghost, and eventually leads to the death of a relationship. This is why it is so important to surround yourself with people who complement you, yet differ sufficiently to teach you, to learn from you, to add to you daily, speak truth and kindness into your life. And this is why it is just as important to give back to those who do, and slowly tune out from those who don’t. It’s called Surviving Sane.
COMPLEMENTS attract. Because everyone has a deep seated need to be accepted, understood, loved, and wanted. That cannot be the case with an exact opposite.
Let’s get it right, and then, let’s SET it RIGHT..