Many of the women I’ve spoken to or worked with were self-declared “feminists” until they realised they were far better than that – they were feminine.
Many feminists are (though not all) against marriage viewing it antiquated and overrated, and some are pro-choice, others pro-life when it comes to deciding the fate of those in their womb. Like all interest groups, feminists are a mixed bunch. I don’t believe they are all men-hating individuals on a power trip. That said, I’ve known a few who are, and attribute it to their “feminist status.”
But what of abuse and oppression?
Whilst I fully acknowledge the need to liberate women who are in an oppressed situation either at home or in their community (and in saying this I make no reference to any particular community as they exist, as I have seen, in many), I would like to think that there is a voice of reason that needs to speak up when “feminism” is attributed to extreme situations where women simply want to “override men”. I’ve seen this time and time again, women who don’t want equality, they want to be the one who calls the shots. It isn’t a case of wanting to be equals, its about wanting to “overthrow” the man. Why?
Abuse is when one person super-imposes their own perceived authority over another in a way that violates their trust or their rights. It can be perpetrated by a man, over a woman, or (as most of us women know) woman to woman. When feminists tell me that they “need to be treated as equal” yet in fact they want to be given a particular post because they are women, I have a problem with that because it reeks of duality and double standards. Whatever post you have, should be earned. That said, you should not be overlooked on the basis of your gender, and I do get that. (Before the burning bras get tossed at me).
To my mind, “feminist” describes a position where a woman internalises that she has been seen and treated as inferior because of her gender and therefore must “fight back”. I’d like to propose a changing of the guard today; I’d like to propose that we, as women, are unique in our femininity. I’d like to propose that “femininism” is the way we should be going. Femininism isn’t about power struggles or fights for equality. Femininism is stepping into and owning your uniqueness as a woman, with the strengths and fragility that brings. Femininism means that as a woman, we bring to the boardroom and dinner table something that men will never have; a feminine insight. “Femininism”, to me, would be taking full ownership of what it means to be an intellectual, professional woman, a mother, a sister, a wife, all rolled into one. It does not mean you take out the hammers and pound the man into subservience, instead it means that you acknowledge the beauty and depth of woman as something uniquely beautiful. Why be equal when you can be you? Why be the same as a man when you should celebrate your difference in being a woman?
In all my dealings with women I’ve found that the woman is the glue that keeps the family together because she is often the one able to see things in a way that a man does not. If it is true that “God counts a women’s tears” as it is said in most religions, then it is also true that men are governed by different rules of the mind. Fear of failure, fear of being seen to really not be all they are supposed to be. An excellent study done a few years ago (I must find it and post it) says that men’s greatest fear is being found out to be failures, found out to fall short of what they pretend to be. (I’m not saying that, the study did.) Now that does not strike me as the mindspace of a woman. I’ve encountered many fears but the only time I’ve found a woman afraid of being “caught out” is when she was cheating. So understand me nicely, men are wonderful for their practicality and their many gifts, but working with women I have found that we have an ability to see through the eyes of the soul faster than those on our face.
Are we so weak in our self image that we must take that of a man?? Woman needs man and man needs woman, so why on earth would we want to go about being “superior” in a man’s terms, when we are far better, and far stronger and far more amazing being “unique”?
Here’s to those sneaker wearing, or pantsuit clad women who hold on to their gentle natures and the compassion that makes them unique, the femininity that puts them in the unique position to beautify the world with their hearts, their thoughts, their interpretation of life. here’s to the floral, fragrances beauties too. Here’s to the stay at home moms and the female politicians, acknowledge your role as women and let’s start a femininism revolution, from the inside. “womanly wiles” should not be replaced with “manly ways” just because of a feminist ideal.
Mother nature would, I propose, have a difficult time being father nature! We are the wombs of the world, men cannot be that. They have their uniqueness and that should be celebrated. So in coining the term Femininism I propose that we celebrate the unique beauty of a woman, and the unique protectiveness and practicality of a man rather than try to be like them. We have many things in common with men, and we have unique qualities and attributes that make us exceptional in our own right. We women feel deeply, hurt deeply, think deeply, love deeply. Men’s depth may well be there but it is always blessed with a practicality that has its own uniqueness.
Like a tidy home, a tidy heart knows that everything has a place and everything should be in place. A woman should not have to cower, ever. Her We should be stepping into our unique insight and compassion as women and simply acknowledge our inner power. We don’t need to overthrow anyone to be the best we can be; we already are. We should unite against all forms of oppression and abuse, not just that of women. Step into the real power that already exists in being you. We really have nothing to prove. Who can take our place? no-one. So why should we want the place on men?
The bandwagon may be fun for a while, but all the noise makes it a lonely, loud place to live on. (your mindspace’ism for the day). There really is a strong woman behind every strong man; she’s either raised him or shone a light on his steps at some point. And yes, she takes the lead without fear when she needs to – because SHE IS WOMAN – HEAR HER ROAR…