Keeping him interested.

I came across this on the internet and found it very beautiful; something every woman should remember. Yes this is written for women who choose to get married, and yes it is written for women who chose a man to be married to, so please see it from that perspective. Any other is, I’m sure, a letter for a different day. All of us should remember that the only way a man can deserve you is if he values you. You shouldn’t have to prove yourself, be put to tests, or continuously earn his approval. If you do, he isn’t worth it ..and maybe its time to reconsider where you hang your pantyhose..

This has been reproduced a number of times so the source wasn’t immediately apparent, but given its beautiful nature I took the time and trouble to find the original author. Dr Kelly Flanagan, a psychologist in Illinois, wrote this to his daughter. I’ve copied it over here exactly as it is on the source and credit goes to the author.


Father Daughter Dance

           Photo Credit: patrick_bird via Compfight cc

Dear Cutie-Pie,

Recently, your mother and I were searching for an answer on Google. Halfway through entering the question, Google returned a list of the most popular searches in the world. Perched at the top of the list was “How to keep him interested.”

It startled me. I scanned several of the countless articles about how to be sexy and sexual, when to bring him a beer versus a sandwich, and the ways to make him feel smart and superior.

And I got angry.

Little One, it is not, has never been, and never will be your job to “keep him interested.”

Little One, your only task is to know deeply in your soul—in that unshakeable place that isn’t rattled by rejection and loss and ego—that you are worthy of interest. (If you can remember that everyone else is worthy of interest also, the battle of your life will be mostly won. But that is a letter for another day.)

If you can trust your worth in this way, you will be attractive in the most important sense of the word: you will attract a boy who is both capable of interest and who wants to spend his one life investing all of his interest in you.

Little One, I want to tell you about the boy who doesn’t need to be kept interested, because he knows you are interesting:

I don’t care if he puts his elbows on the dinner table—as long as he puts his eyes on the way your nose scrunches when you smile. And then can’t stop looking.

I don’t care if he can’t play a bit of golf with me—as long as he can play with the children you give him and revel in all the glorious and frustrating ways they are just like you.

I don’t care if he doesn’t follow his wallet—as long as he follows his heart and it always leads him back to you.

I don’t care if he is strong—as long as he gives you the space to exercise the strength that is in your heart.

I couldn’t care less how he votes—as long as he wakes up every morning and daily elects you to a place of honor in your home and a place of reverence in his heart.

I don’t care about the color of his skin—as long as he paints the canvas of your lives with brushstrokes of patience, and sacrifice, and vulnerability, and tenderness.

I don’t care if he was raised in this religion or that religion or no religion—as long as he was raised to value the sacred and to know every moment of life, and every moment of life with you, is deeply sacred.

In the end, Little One, if you stumble across a man like that and he and I have nothing else in common, we will have the most important thing in common:


Because in the end, Little One, the only thing you should have to do to “keep him interested” is to be you.

Your eternally interested guy,



About MindspaceIntuition

A life coach and energy healer's blog about experiences shared, lessons learned and challenges overcome. A place of serenity where the feminine psyche finds expression. Comments and opinions welcome.
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2 Responses to Keeping him interested.

  1. tharwat84 says:

    Yes. Thank you. I fell right in to that rabbit whole and i know it will take a while before i am out and on my own feet.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s an easy hole to fall into; women in love are eager to please, and always eager to take on more than their fair share for the sake of peace, including the desire to keep earning love, keep earning respect, keep earning their “Place” in the home. But the place in the home is a Divinely given right and cannot be taken away from anyone including herself, or himself.


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