Looking back over the posts on this blog and the tweets that go alongside this, it would appear that MindspaceIntuition is all about upholding women and by interpretation, vilifying men. This cannot be farther from the truth. As a counselor I feel it is my duty to help women to see the whole picture of their situation, the facts, the feelings and the failures. That includes recognizing that women are valuable and powerful, but with that comes responsibility. There is no point in contributing to arrogance, and one must seek instead to instill a healthy perspective on a situation so that the client is left with tools for the future.
For those to whom it would appear that this blog is only concerned with elevating women at the expense of men, please note – nothing could be further from the truth; I will state it plainly that I believe the ultra-feminist movement is very much at the heart of most of the relationship problems we encounter today. Women are coming into their own sense of individuality and power, but to do so at the cost of downgrading or denigrating the men in our society would in fact be the ultimate in irresponsibility.
So, that said:
1.) Some women abuse too.
In fact, spousal abuse by women against men is on the increase. In over 40% of domestic abuse cases the abuse is perpetrated by women. (Campbell, 2010, Domestic Violence Observer) and this is of particular note if we consider that many men do not report cases of abuse because society has dictated that they should be the “stronger” sex. Men are often emasculated by even their peers when they admit to abuse. Abuse perpetrated by women is primarily verbal, emotional and psychological, but all forms of abuse escalate and incidents of physical abuse can and indeed do happen. They get ugly and vicious and calculating.
2.) Some women are great manipulators
I say this for the sake of honesty, but with great kindness to the womenfolk; I’ve seen women act vulnerable when they are in fact the perpetrators of the greatest emotional abuse out there. As we women know from our own feminine friendships, women can be cruel. And we’ve all seen those women who do whatever they must to keep their partner wrapped around their little finger, with a smile on their lips and a whip behind their back to knock them back into shape with either their tears or their tests. Let’s face it; women can be manipulative. Hence, in friendships, it is crucial to chose those friends who will be honest with you, not the ones who will always side with you. Women who are bluntly honest towards women in their friendships actually serve to encourage one another to truth, and where there is truth there should be no need for manipulation. Truth and honesty in friendships lead to integrity in the individual.
This means, therefore, that we women and men are all suffering under the same condition; the human condition.
Some women suffer at the hands of men, some men suffer at the hands of women. We cannot recognize the one without recognize the other and giving it due credence. That would be like saying that racism is only perpetrated by one race group, which is certainly not the case although that is a point for another day.
I’ve seen situations where a woman wants to leave her husband just because she no longer wants to be “tied down to the responsibilities” of being a wife. That extent of selfishness points to the fact that quite possibly nobody ever gave that sister a reality check. I’ve seen situations where a woman has been so isolated and manipulated that she literally loses touch with who she was before she came into that relationship and needs a helping hand to find herself again, and carve out her own (often new and separate) path.
The solution: REALITY CHECK –
We all need a reality check now and then, and it’s the (good) women around us who provide that with love and integrity. It could be a counselor, life coach, female friend, a mother, a sister, or even a “soul sista” (in other words, a ‘sista’ from another mother). They keep us in check with the truth, they keep us humble, they keep us sane, they keep us healthy spiritually and emotionally. IF we let them, and IF we chose them wisely.
So here’s to my “soul sistas” – the ones who help me “keep it real”.
You know who “you ‘all” are!