There is something very beautiful about being able to just be “you”confident in who you are, your beliefs and what you do. It is a position that not everyone reaches because it requires maturity and it requires the understanding that not everyone matters. It’s true! Confidence can be presumed to be arrogance when in fact it is simply a case of knowing what you want, who you want, and what you’re not prepared to entertain.
It’s perfectly okay to elect not to associate with certain elements of the human race. It’s perfectly okay to just be yourself.
Recently, a client commented how she is finding it hard to not be cynical about the world around her. Since she is already in the job market and growing therein, I personally find this to be quite healthy, if tempered with a reality check. You do need both, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with entering what I call “the internal bitch zone” when you crap detect and eliminate someone from your circle or your reality that in actual fact means zero to you. And by BITCH, i mean “Being In Total Control of Herself” and not the other kind, because those are a dime a dozen and who wants to be that anyway, right?..
So ladies, this one is for all of you out there that need to do a little people sweep from your circle. Go for it. BE ruthless. Here’s a brief list of the type of individual you don’t need in your list of friends, be it on your phone, at your table or on any of your social media:
*Energy/ Emotional Vampires
Picture the evil wanna-be queen in Snow White.She would never be a queen in any sense of the word, yet she goes around wanting to suck the life out of innocent people. You know the type? Trash them. You don’t need to give even a second thought to such soul-less creatures. You don’t need to honour their messages, or respond to them, simply eliminate because they are creatures of the dark and YOU must walk in the light. The other type of energy vampire exists for the purpose of putting you down so that they can feel better about themselves. These are actually weak, shallow character individuals and so the best is to squeeze them out as one would a pimple. Done.
According to ‘Psychology Today’, this can be defined as: “Narcissism involves cockiness, manipulativeness, selfishness, power motives, and vanity-in other words a love of mirrors. Related personality traits include: Psychopathy, Machiavellianism” So true! You know the type? Someone who spends ages photoshopping their otherwise ugly self because the inner ugliness is spilling over and they desperately need to pretend to be beautiful? ‘Lol’ as they say, you don’t need those. Narcissists will use tools like smear campaigns to try to degrade your image to others (to make themselves look good), they will use gaslighting to make you focus on something you’ve done (usually insignificant) in an effort to stop an argument or to prevent taking responsibility for something they’ve done. Remember, there is no excuse for abuse. People who abuse, hurt, injure, accuse, insult and harm you (in subtle and not so subtle ways) yet make themselves appear (and force you to do it to in public!) demure and lovely or kind to the rest of the world aren’t actually fooling anyone but themselves, so simply leave them to their own little bubble of self delusion, and you walk on and go live a happy life. Done.
Not every psychopath is a murder. The UK telegraph defines these quite well. They are those among us who live in a world of selfishness; only their feelings matter, and if they stub their toe then the entire world must fall. Character traits include “glibness and superficial charm, grandiose sense of self-worth, pathological lying, cunning/manipulative, lack of remorse, emotional shallowness, callousness and lack of empathy, unwillingness to accept responsibility for actions, a tendency to boredom, a parasitic lifestyle, a lack of realistic long-term goals, impulsivity, irresponsibility, lack of behavioural control” Some Psychopaths are also Narcissists, whilst some narcissists are simply sociopathic narcissists. Whatever the caseif someone is constantly hurting you and then offering shallow appologies whilst turning around in the same breath and actually blaming you for “making them be angry” well that is the trait of a psychopath and it’s time to take out the trash. Block them, ban them, delete their numbers and have nothing to do with them.
Unless you’re willing to buy into a life of servitude, such people deserve no part in your life. Abuse always escalates, emotional vampires will leave you empty, and put-downs are not the same as constructive criticism that leads to growth so you do not need to accept that. Ever.
Why? Because life is far too short.
It is far more important to be someone of good character than to worry about what people will think about you. They don’t think that often anyway. And often thoughts are more a reflection on them than on you. When your mind is clear, your life will be too. When your life is clear, your mind will be too.